Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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