hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
