Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize