i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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