btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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