i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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