I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
