I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
