Swine flu. Run for my life!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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