There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
