Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
