What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
