I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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