It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
