you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
