dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
