I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
