Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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