Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
