Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You dont lie about slip and slides
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
