matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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