I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
