A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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