They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
