The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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