I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
