i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
