i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
