TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
