got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize