I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
