Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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