He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
