did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you win again, gameday.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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