pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i believe in u and ur pee
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
