I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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