Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
