I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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