it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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