I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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