I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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