I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
