That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
