I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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