Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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