I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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