I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
