Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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