is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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