i would punch a child for taco bell
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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