Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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