Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
