note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
