it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
