I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
