All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
