your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
