We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
