oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
