can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she looked like the before picture.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
