smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think my moral compass just broke
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
