i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
