Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
