my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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