If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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