Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno