1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.